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5 Common Reasons Couples Get Divorced

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Relationships go through all kinds of metamorphoses, and a good marriage has to handle change if it is going to survive.  What draws two people together in the first place is rarely the same as what keeps them together down the line, and because of that good communication is an essential aspect of a solid union.

Unfortunately, many of us (myself included) feel that the things we struggle with are the aspects of life that make us stronger, and that communicating about them is a sign of weakness.  While that may hold true for an individual, that ethic has to be balanced with the needs of our relationships.  Unless we do, we can’t hope to handle the common problems that drive couples to split.

Different Views on Parenting
Being parents is the most challenging, stressful, frightening, and important thing two people can do together.  Unfortunately, it’s also something we rarely discuss, especially during the formative stages of a relationship.  Having different views of what children need, what good parenting means, and what should be expected of children can drive a wedge between couples at a very visceral level.

Religious Differences
Just as our relationships with each other change during the course of our lives, so do our relationships with God and with our chosen form of worship.  Religious epiphanies can be among the most important and defining moments of our individual lives, but they can also shake up routines that are fundamental to the regimen of our family life.  Religious growth is generally perceived to be good, so couples in one of these phases tend to benefit from a counseling service.  (See

Changes in the Sexual Relationship
Most couples go through what are commonly known as “dry spells” in their sexual lives – periods when the frequency of their intimacy decreases.  While this is natural, physical intimacy is also one important way that we connect, and without that connection we can often begin to disconnect in other ways.  When a couple’s sexual relationship changes because of one spouse – an illness, for example, makes sex uncomfortable for a prolonged period – it can also push the other partner to cheat.

Technically, we probably aren’t made to spend our entire adult lives with a single partner.  Over the course of a marriage nearly everybody is likely to miss the fun of a new romance, the excitement of sexual tension, and the passion of the first few rolls in the hay.  But our promise of fidelity is fundamental to the marriage pact, and giving into those temptations undermines every aspect of a marriage.

Financial Problems
Aside from our basic necessities, most of the things we spend money on we buy to make ourselves feel good.  And because financial problems are almost always self-created, the distress they cause is usually a metaphor for a lack of fulfillment in other areas of our lives.  (We would rather be in Rome studying art than in Hoboken raising kids, so we buy designer watches.)  This is one reason why financial burdens can be so destructive:  even as couples seek to solve the evident problem, they miss its roots.

Categories: Family
  • Dave

    Great article thanks!

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