By Jeff Bolton
If electing the President of the United States has been reduced to making a decision about whether or not to authorize the killing of a guy like 9/11 kingpin Osama bin Laden, then I vote for Hercules in 2012.
Despite President Obama’s public comments in the aftermath of the OBL kill that the USA should not “spike the football” for killing the world’s #1 terrorist, President Obama’s re-election effort is doing precisely that with a skill that wouldn’t be lost on the great NFL kick returner and end-zone dancer himself: Billy “White Shoes” Johnson.
Johnson, you may remember, was a gifted athlete who endeared himself to Texans in his career with the Oilers in the 70’s, was one of the first players to add entertainment value to the NFL by dancing in the end zone after touchdowns with his trademark “Funky Chicken” dance.
This brings us to the grossly misguided efforts by the President’s re-election staff to cast him as a decisive man of action who deserves another four more years in the most powerful seat on the planet because he made the decision to kill the bad guy. Me? I’m a little different.
If I were campaigning for another four Presidential years, I might point to my decisions in the last three and a half years with regard to the economy, health care, and illegal immigration. After all, these areas were the promise of the “Hope and Change” motto where I pledged to Americans I would be most effective in my first term – and the very real reasons I asked Americans to elect me in the first place in 2008.
Mmmm. Rough. Here’s the challenge for the Presidential re-election big brains in dealing with the wreckage of these three failed promises.
The President has earned modest credit at best for his handling of the economy, which has been largely guided by dusty academics. The brightest plans they could conjure up were based on kicking open the American treasury doors and tossing ducats to the peasants to keep them from turning up at the White House with pitch forks and torches. Health care reform is even worse.
The American public asked for health care reform, but not the bloated disaster that was passed exclusively by the Democratic party in Congress creating the most expensive social program in the history of the United States ever passed by one party. That dead camel is about to be tossed by the Supreme Court as it should be.
Even the liberal Supreme Court justices are rolling their eyes at that one. Immigration reform is in equally bad shape, with the Supreme Court also likely to punish the President’s administration again for incompetency in managing the crisis by grossly trampling the rights of individual states to secure their borders and cities.
These three campaign promises, the bedrocks of the Obama administration, are an absolute mess. Where to turn to get Americans to trust President Obama for four more years? Yes! Of course! The President gave permission to the SEALs and Special Forces to kill one of the most reviled men on the planet! That will get the President re-elected!
Back to Hercules 2012. He is a remarkable male. Dignified, intelligent, even playful at times. So magnetic is he that I have taken the extraordinary political step to allow you entrée into his inner sanctum to see him in one of his most private moments:
Hercules is huge in both campaign and real life — known as twenty pounds of fluff and love to his supporters, but in truth he is very aloof. Although a taciturn creature, he is decisive, and a terrific problem solver. When he is hungry he meows forcefully until the bowl is full.
When his litter box is nearing full, he goes number one or two where his supporters walk to get their attention and solve his problem. When he wants love, he appears to his throngs of supporters and gives incredible attention and love to all present, which inevitably results in acclamations of wonder and love towards him.
In other words, Hercules does the easy stuff like authorizing the OBL kill with utter perfection – the hard stuff like directing the economy, reforming the health care system or immigration not so much. He also has the added benefit of not burning through millions of dollars in American treasury cash when he departs from his domicile for annual vacation.
He would view seventeen vacations in his administration as a violation of noblesse largesse…out of touch with his supporters.
He’s pretty solid as leaders go. Measured, thoughtful, and despite his giant paws, even the mighty Hercules can’t spike a football or do the Chicken Dance.
Hercules for President 2012.