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Jeff Bolton: Hercules For President In 2012

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By Jeff Bolton

If electing the President of the United States has been reduced to making a decision about whether or not to authorize the killing of a guy like 9/11 kingpin Osama bin Laden, then I vote for Hercules in 2012.

Despite President Obama’s public comments in the aftermath of the OBL kill that the USA should not “spike the football” for killing the world’s #1 terrorist, President Obama’s re-election effort is doing precisely that with a skill that wouldn’t be lost on the great NFL kick returner and end-zone dancer himself: Billy “White Shoes” Johnson.

Johnson, you may remember, was a gifted athlete who endeared himself to Texans in his career with the Oilers in the 70’s, was one of the first players to add entertainment value to the NFL by dancing in the end zone after touchdowns with his trademark “Funky Chicken” dance.

This brings us to the grossly misguided efforts by the President’s re-election staff to cast him as a decisive man of action who deserves another four more years in the most powerful seat on the planet because he made the decision to kill the bad guy.  Me?  I’m a little different.

If I were campaigning for another four Presidential years, I might point to my decisions in the last three and a half years with regard to the economy, health care, and illegal immigration.  After all, these areas were the promise of the “Hope and Change” motto where I pledged to Americans I would be most effective in my first term – and the very real reasons I asked Americans to elect me in the first place in 2008.

Mmmm.  Rough.  Here’s the challenge for the Presidential re-election big brains in dealing with the wreckage of these three failed promises.

The President has earned modest credit at best for his handling of the economy, which has been largely guided by dusty academics.  The brightest plans they could conjure up were based on kicking open the American treasury doors and tossing ducats to the peasants to keep them from turning up at the White House with pitch forks and torches.  Health care reform is even worse.

The American public asked for health care reform, but not the bloated disaster that was passed exclusively by the Democratic party in Congress creating the most expensive social program in the history of the United States ever passed by one party.  That dead camel is about to be tossed by the Supreme Court as it should be.

Even the liberal Supreme Court justices are rolling their eyes at that one.  Immigration reform is in equally bad shape, with the Supreme Court also likely to punish the President’s administration again for incompetency in managing the crisis by grossly trampling the rights of individual states to secure their borders and cities.

These three campaign promises, the bedrocks of the Obama administration, are an absolute mess.  Where to turn to get Americans to trust President Obama for four more years?  Yes! Of course!  The President gave permission to the SEALs and Special Forces to kill one of the most reviled men on the planet!  That will get the President re-elected!

Back to Hercules 2012.  He is a remarkable male.  Dignified, intelligent, even playful at times.  So magnetic is he that I have taken the extraordinary political step to allow you entrée into his inner sanctum to see him in one of his most private moments:

Hercules is huge in both campaign and real life — known as twenty pounds of fluff and love to his supporters, but in truth he is very aloof.   Although a taciturn creature, he is decisive, and a terrific problem solver.  When he is hungry he meows forcefully until the bowl is full.

When his litter box is nearing full, he goes number one or two where his supporters walk to get their attention and solve his problem.  When he wants love, he appears to his throngs of supporters and gives incredible attention and love to all present, which inevitably results in acclamations of wonder and love towards him.

In other words, Hercules does the easy stuff like authorizing the OBL kill with utter perfection – the hard stuff like directing the economy, reforming the health care system or immigration not so much.  He also has the added benefit of not burning through millions of dollars in American treasury cash when he departs from his domicile for annual vacation.

He would view seventeen vacations in his administration as a violation of noblesse largesse…out of touch with his supporters.

He’s pretty solid as leaders go.  Measured, thoughtful, and despite his giant paws, even the mighty Hercules can’t spike a football or do the Chicken Dance.

Hercules for President 2012.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/shawnpwilliams Shawn P Williams

    Jeff let me refresh your memory on the “spike the football quote by President Obama.

    —-In explaining his choice not to release the photo, Mr. Obama said that “we don’t need to spike the football.” He said that “given the graphic nature of these photos it would create a national security risk.”— POTUS from 60 Minutes

    Spiking the football was specifically about the OBL death photos.

    This is so funny to me. In the 2004 election, conservatives couldn’t start a sentence without the words 9/11. Not only what was perpetrated upon the American people (specifically those of New York, D.C. and Flight 93) but how President Bush responded.

    Remember? He was “the decider.” He made tough decisions. This was used as a huge reason as why he deserved to be reelected. And OBTW, he stopped thinking about Osama bin Laden because he didn’t matter much (not because he couldn’t be found).

    2008 was also supposed to be about national defense and foreign policy, but Republicans found themselves on the wrong side of the argument. Oh yeah, and President Obama had the more pragmatic approach. One that suggested the war was in Afghanistan (not Iraq) and that Osama bin Laden should be brought to justice.

    So President Reagan and Bush can get credit for tearing down the Berlin Wall. President W. Bush gets credit for a decisive response to 9/11. President Obama is supposed to hide under a rock and act like Osama bin Laden never existed.

    Have conservatives mentioned how much money has been saved by ending the War in Iraq? If the GOP cared 1/2 as much about the economy in the 6 years they controlled the White House and both chambers of Congress as they say then do now, maybe we wouldn’t be so deep in this ditch we’re in. I know it would be great if the President could drive the GOP car out of the ditch a little faster. But I don’t think the bait and switch is going to work any better this November than it did 4 years ago.

    Smoke and mirrors won’t cut it.

  • Mike H

    Again, President Obama’s detractors must be reminded of the colossal mess he inherited and the resistance he has encountered at every turn when attempting to right the ship. However, even President Obama’s biggest supporters must admit that he has been indecisive at times. I think his inexperience and over sensitivity to his detractors directly contributed to his sometimes less than firm decision making. As far as the focus of his re-election campaign, in politics the best strategy is whatever works. If that means riding the momentum of the killing of Bin Laden to a second term then so be it. I think Mr. Bolton’s stance is a prime example of the hypocrisy that Republicans (conservatives) are often criticized for. After all, isn’t what’s good for the goose (Republicans) also good for the gander (Dems)?

  • Caseyt07

    Jeff,
    I must ask where was your concern about the deficit and the economy when George W. was giving no bid contracts to Haliburton for reconstruction of Iraq? Oh, I know, we don’t criticize our own party. You sound like a political hack in the post using the same ol right wing talking points. Why don’t you paint the picture of what a Romney administration would look like? Crickets, that’s what I thought.

  • Gerald Britt

    There is something incredibly small about trying to deny the President this accomplishment. As is noted before, there was a constant drumbeat by Bush supporters that ‘he kept us safe’. This was during the presidential campaign of 2004. Never mind that we were mired in a war from which it took us almost a decade to extricate ourselves – after Iraq told us for years they wanted us out.

    We credit George Washington, for winning the Revolutionary War; we credit Lincoln for winning the Civil War; we credit Truman for ending WWII by dropping nuclear bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima. And by the same reasoning used to deny Obama credit for making the decision to get Bin Ladin when Bush wouldn’t, we should credit the brave soldiers and not the presidents who were either generals or Commanders in Chief.

    These are the same people – those who deny him credit – who would be vilifying the President had he failed. He would be someone incapable of making tough decisions; he not be ‘up to the job’ or ‘unworthy of leading our troops’. But when he’s able to affect the assassination of the most notorious terrorist of our age – the one Bush said he didn’t give much thought about, before he went off and attacked the wrong country – we’re told, ‘good job, but anyone could do it’.

    Is that because this destroys the narrative that the GOP wants to posit? The one that says that Obama’s not tough on terrorism and wants to ‘appease’ Islamist terrorists?

    Or is that because these are just very small people…

  • Eulaine Hall

    Ugh! This doesn’t seem like a proper article for Dallas South News, usually non-partisan, non-profit, non-nasty.

  • Jose Oller

    I would vote for a ham sandwich to replace the most incompetent presidential comedian this nation has ever known, but you’ve convinced me that Hercules might be a better choice. Tough decision!

  • http://twitter.com/BAdetiba Bab W. Adetiba

    Foreign policy doesn’t change from party to party. As one of his last acts in office, Bush signed a Status of Force Agreement promising to have all troops out by 2011. The Obama admin actually wanted to STAY in Iraq but you won’t hear that on mainstream channel, of course. I credit him for killing OBL but let’s be truthful–any president could have done that. He is unwilling to exit Afghanistan it seems and supports a pre-emptive strike on Iran.

    As far as in the deficit, both sides contributed to it. But again, lets be very truthful, you can’t ignore the President’s massive spending. We’ve never seen anything like this. The republicans who care about the deficit now, I don’t believe b/c they were silent during the Bush years. But the Tea Partiers and Ron Paul are diff’t we must admit.

    The president supported (bush voted for the bailout, senator obama did too) the wall st bailout and gave crumbs to those who are suffering. Why not bailout the individuals who were suffering, as opposed to the CEOs who awarded themselves with bonuses subsequently? The stimulus did save and create jobs but it’s horrible economic policy; then the debt ceiling increase and his request for another increase months ago; then the proposed Buffet Rule. It seems as if no one cares for the worth of the dollar, inflation and debt.

    BLS said unemployment went .1% up but we all know more dropped out then entered the workforce. Success? Sure.

    Those who point at Romney are using an old age technique of pointing the finger. To tell the truth, the two really aren’t different. Only in their fiscal policy and rhetoric do they differ.

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