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Men Don’t Heal, We Ho – DSN Book Review

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By Lorrie Irby Jackson – Reporter

Men and women, Mars and Venus, the battle of the sexes: however you refer to relationships, the topic is on the tip of practically everyone’s tongue these days.  It’s even more pronounced in the African-American community.

500pixels FrontWhether you’re at the barber shop, in the produce aisle or the middle of the rush hour drive, it’s hard not to overhear debates on what it takes  to create and sustain a healthy, monogamous union. And since the talk usually puts an adversarial emphasis on what women need to do, it’s refreshing to learn of at least one man pointing the finger of blame in the opposite direction and revealing that, yes, the brothers have a lot to work to do as well.  The criticism of Black men comes with the blunt and brutal honesty in Men Don’t Heal, We Ho.

No, that wasn’t a typo: Steven James Dixon, a locally-based author and self-styled relationship expert, is now a happily married husband and father, but it took him years of painful trial and error to get there. In chapters that make Usher’s Confessions sound like nursery rhymes (“I Learned How to Cry,” “Stopped Ho-ing, Started Healing,” “Looks Like a Man, Feels Like a Man…Not a Man”), Mr. Dixon pulls back the curtain of his turbulent childhood and starts the pages in his rawest state until he evolves to the enlightened man of today. He demonstrates how those early warped ideals fed into his dysfunctional relationships and why most men move from one woman to another until they reach a crisis point that forces them to change.

SJD Headshot

Steven James Dixon, Author "Men Don't Heal, We Ho"

Men…., which is targeted at women but is chock full of knowledge for any man brave enough to ingest its searing contents, drops powerful truths about the “emotional instability” of men (the author’s words, not mine), unvarnished truths about what’s most important to them and yes, what men need to do to help other men get with the program (and no, it doesn’t involve a basketball court or sports bar).

If excerpts like the following pique your interest, then Men…. is a book for you:

“Women, flat out, have to stop using sex as a reward or as punishment. If you punish your man by not giving him sex, all you have done is made a horny man mad….Send a mad horny man out into the world, off to work or the club around single, lonely, horny women. That is a great idea.”

“The majority of marriage eligible single men are hos. That’s what we do best, that’s what we are bred to do. We lie to our women. We mislead them, mistreat them and take them for granted….What’s funny about men being hos is that I have found that the average man whore will not even consider the possibility of his woman cheating on him.”

“My homegirls told me stories….It put everything in perspective for me. All my life, I had been focused on the women and what they were doing wrong. When really, the problem in each of my relationships is that I was emotionally unstable. Honestly, it hurt to point the finger at me because I think so highly of me. I am the bomb…I think.”

If you want one of those books that keeps it safe, is sweet and superficial, this one will sorely disappoint you. But, if you’re ready for a funny, frank and entertaining glimpse into the often unglamorous work it takes to sustain healthy love and relationships, then Men…is a worthwhile place to start.   Find out more about Steven James Dixon’s Men Don’t Heal, We Ho at www. relationshipbeast.com.

Lorrie Jackson headshotLorrie Irby Jackson is a freelance journalist based in Dallas and has covered entertainment professionally for several years, writing many articles for The Dallas Morning News. Her e-mail address is lorrie@dallassouthnews.org

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  • http://dallassouthnews.org Cassandra Mack

    Great review Lorrie. The way you broke down how theis book gives insight into why men do what they do was on point and refreshingly honest. Cudos to you.

  • Neka

    This is a well-written synopsis of the book and totally piques my interest. I think you did a great job on the write up for it, Lorrie. The examples given to clarify, well the excerpts taken from the book were a novel idea and reflects highly skilled writing~ so much so that I absolutely cannot wait to read the book!!

  • http://dallassouthnews.org Geena Jivani

    It’s always nice when people recognize hard work and offer positive feedback! Great job!

  • http://www.nowarningshotsfired.com Jaafar Harris

    Wow I have been thinking about how we as men have to take accountability for our actions and take steps to heal ourselves. I have sons so now I have a book for them to read when they get older to reinforce that they have to be responsible for their actions.

    Arrogance is armor for stupidity.. Randall Robinson

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